Dear [Name Withheld]:
A few days ago, while speaking before a mostly friendly group of colleagues, I uttered the sentence, "Texas was readmitted to the Union in 1870, and we haven't caused any trouble since."
I expected that sentence to elicit a chuckle, which it did . . . but what surprised me were the boos and hisses.
Wounded, I put a hand to my chest and asked, "Whatever can you be thinking of?"
But of course I knew. They were thinking of you.
Frankly, this has gone on long enough. So I'm asking you to come clean.
When you're born in Connecticut . . . go to prep school in Massachusetts . . . become a cheerleader at Yale . . . attend business school at Harvard . . . and currently live in Washington, D.C. --
Well, I don't think you get to call yourself a Texan. And I certainly don't think Texas should have to suffer the boos and hisses resulting from your behavior.
Oh, sure, you've taken some long vacations here (such as when you were Governor). But if that were enough to qualify you as "Texan," then we'd have to include every retired Minnesotan who owns an RV . . . as well as half the Saudi royal family.
Besides, every true Texan knows that brush-cutting is not a recreational activity. Real ranching ain't playtime, son.
Barbecue. Beer. That's what Texans do for fun.
But I wouldn't expect a Yale cheerleader to know that.
P.S. Yes, I was born in Kansas. But I've lived in the Lone Star State for the past eighteen years. And I'll be happy to whip out my Texas credentials and compare them to yours any day of the week, Bubba.
P.P.S. Two words: Ann Richards. SHE was a TEXAN.